I’m a child of God, mother of 3, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and an ex-wife. But that’s not all. I’m also an amateur photographer, professional voice talent, a writer, a producer, active laughter participant, and a former perfectionist. Even with all of that, that doesn’t fully describe me. I’ve always felt different. That has become especially noticeable in my dating life.
When you date the woman who’s different, you can’t expect her to be measured against any other woman you’ve known. She’s not just unique in the fun ways or on occasion. This is who she genuinely is.
Sadly, you can also be sure that she’s been told her entire life that it’s not “ok” to be herself. People don’t understand her because they won’t take the time to truly learn her and, let’s be honest, she’s complicated. People don’t like when she doesn’t react, think, or behave like other women. It makes a lot of people frustrated. She doesn’t fit in the box. She can’t change it – she’s tried and failed every time.
She’s not going to need space and time when she’s upset at you. She needs conflict resolution and she wants to start working on it immediately because she knows each moment that passes in hurt or anger is a moment of happiness she’s lost with you. That’s not to say you can’t get space and time if you need it. She will wait for you to need or want her again but for each day of waiting her hurt grows and her heart crumbles. She respects everyone’s needs, but unfortunately her needs have never been met with the same sacrifice – the same willingness to step outside of your comfort zone for her – not a single time. It’s created a bitter, sore place on her soft heart that festers each time she gives only to be abandoned again.
She doesn’t want roses, trinkets, or jewelry. She doesn’t need many acts of service from you. She wants your undivided time, your consistent effort, and your strong, unwavering devotion. She wants conversation that can go from meaningful to silly, difficult and honest to light and imaginative. She wants to feel the warmth of your skin, the manly strength of your shoulders, and your strong hands on her curves. She’s already found contentment within herself and knows that material things and undone chores don’t hold the supreme value of a relationship.
She loves hard and fully. She never wants anyone to feel as unaccepted, as unknown as she does every day. Her differentness allows her to see you, really see you and your potential, and know what she can do to challenge you, to encourage you, and to remind you of your own beauty as an individual. This is where she fears things really screw up. She doesn’t play mind games or play hard to get. She’ll meet you halfway and then some to show you your value to her. This is sometimes a big problem for the man who loves the chase, who wants to “conquer” the woman he has his eye on. Her abundance of love seems to make men lazy in their own emotions and especially in their efforts.
She gets used to make other women jealous. Men pursue her so that having a pretty girl on their arm makes them feel good about themself, a truly selfish ego boost and nothing more. Many only care to have her as a notch on their bedpost and get mad when they learn she’s not willing to serve herself to them that way. Some find the exciting adventure of who she is to be a welcome, yet temporary, change to their mundane life. Yet others are truly drawn to her light but scared of her fire at the same time – mistaking her passion for the pain another woman caused. Some expect her to be their surrogate mother, meeting their needs at home while they look for sexual conquests elsewhere because they are never satisfied. Some see her as a supplemental paycheck that includes bragging rights because of her own career and talents.
Of course no single man comes to her revealing the true reason he pursues her. In time, it all falls apart because while she’s the real deal, they’re just playing games with people’s hearts and hers is no exception. She finds the silver lining in hoping her presence in their life, however brief, may have helped them learn more about themself – because isn’t that one of Eve’s many purposes in the creation story?
Problem is no one ever really sees or knows her. She’s not like you. She’s not like them. She’s different.
Maybe, one day, someone also different will come along and mean it when he tells her everything about her is perfect for him and he’ll do whatever it takes to keep it that way.