I can only assume that you got here, ma’am, by divine intervention. Maybe you are one of my few subscribers, but most people find their way to this blog on their own. If our sovereign God directed you here, to this post, then I have an important message for you.

First, let me be honest and say I put this off for a little bit. I’m not proud of myself because of my reluctance. When God uses the Holy Ghost to direct us to deliver messages to one another it is rarely something the messenger is particularly excited about doing. We think to ourselves, “someone else can do it” or “I’m busy and have other plans, God. Can’t I do it later?” In this instance, I have been hesitant because I know that this message could potentially come with a troublesome and possibly bigger than I’m expecting bit of backlash. However, I do know that when God tells us to do something, you will miss out on some of His blessings if you don’t do it. I don’t want to miss out.

So, let me at least say this first: Please make sure that your heart is completely and totally open to this message before you keep reading. If that means you need to go listen to some worship music, an online sermon, plus reading your Bible and then come back, please do that. If your heart is not in the correct God-serving, humble, and seeking headspace, this will seem offensive, even though I can promise you it is not.

Ok, here it is. God never called women to be independent. Strong? Sure. We cannot accomplish all that God asks of us without certain types of strength. But I cannot find a single place in my Bible where God calls us to be completely independent. The first woman and all women are to be cherished (that means to love, protect, and care for someone important). That’s why Eve wasn’t even created until after everything else in the garden already existed. Eve was not alone and was never encouraged to be independent from Adam. That’s why we are sometimes called the “crown of creation”. Woman is the grand finale of creation.

To further explain, I will remind you that men are commanded to be the head of the household in Ephesians 5:22-33, not women. The Bible also points out in Genesis that woman was created from and for man, not vice versa. Ultimately, to refuse to accept the message that God doesn’t want us to be the modern “strong, independent woman” is to also reject all of the scriptures that point out how and why we are not the same, despite the desires of any movement, group, or individual.

To demonstrate, I think the most obvious space to see the purest form of womanhood is in early childhood. Girls are naturally more emotional. Our play patterns often include damsel in distress or playing house and tending babies. I was a tomboy growing up and I still played these games with my female friend. Like our Heavenly Father, we tend to crave company, even if it is just one or two other people. Want to know what else we inherited from our perfect Father? He formed women to reflect His desire to be “the one and only” – her for her husband (Matthew 19:5-6), Him as the only God. In Exodus 20:3, the Bible says the first of the ten commandments states, “You shall have no other gods before me.” It is also easy to see that God loves beauty in the way he created flowers, sunsets, waterfalls, and other natural wonders. Guess which gender also tends to be particularly skilled at creating beauty in her surroundings? God is love. The modern Christian church likes to point to His softness with us in the form of grace and mercy. He definitely has that side to Him. How many fathers have accused their child’s mother of being too soft on their child? (To clarify, God is not only passive and soft. He also has healthy boundaries. He cannot be accepting of everyone and everything because that would include sin and evil. God’s love can be righteously jealous, but that’s another blog post for another day.)

As Moses led the Israelites through the desert, scripture assures them of God’s love. In Psalm 68:6 it says He is, “Father of the fatherless and protector of widows…”, two vulnerable groups, and in the next verse we see that, “God settles the solitary in a home…”, meaning he wants everyone to be surrounded by love and community, even if the families we grew up with are not able to fulfill that role. What does that mean to the strong, independent woman? It means that Our Heavenly Father is the leader of our households when the men in our life fail us and we should submit to Him, consult Him, and honor Him while waiting for guidance. Do you notice something? I do. God wants us to look to Him and behave the same way even if we are married. God is our ultimate protector, provider, and the source of our identity no matter if we are single or married. Sometimes we women put too much expectation on men, especially Christian men, without understanding the emotional and physical obstacles they face, often alone and in silence. While a husband can provide earthly protection, provision, and a portion of our identity as his wife, and men are commanded to care for us as they care for themselves, our total submission as a couple or as a single belongs to God.

We women need to also examine what we think of when it comes to how God wants us to be strong. Proverbs chapter 31 says we are “clothed in strength and dignity”. I think the fact that the scripture includes dignity in the description is very important. Why? Because most people who believe in being a “strong, independent woman” likely do not have a good grasp on the definition of the word dignity. The Cambridge Dictionary defines dignity as, “calm, serious, controlled behavior that makes people respect you”. Let me point out that for emotional women to have control over their behavior in order to be and stay calm takes a lot of strength when your emotions want you to erupt and spew words like a volcano. The stereotype of a “strong, independent female” in today’s terms does not seem to have much dignity, but instead suffers from immense amounts of pride.

Did you know that pride is a sin? The Bible talks about it in several places including James 4:4-11. The question is asked in verse 4, “Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity (aka feelings of hate) with God…” and in verse 9 it says, “…God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Humility is defined as the quality of not being proud because you are aware of your bad qualities. It is VERY easy to be aware of the bad qualities in people around us. We feel it when those qualities (i.e. selfishness, lack of integrity, impatience, etc…) cause us emotional pain. But we all have a blind spot to our own bad qualities. Sometimes we react with anger and vengeance when someone who cares for us tries to hold up a mirror in front of us to help us see our bad qualities. Why would we do that? Because it hurts to see the truth about ourselves and it is often incredibly hard to change those bad qualities that we think don’t affect us. The reality is they do have an effect, just indirectly. Many people find it is easier just to ignore that “mirror” and instead surround ourselves with people who will not tell us the truth. Sugar-coated lies allow us to pose in big group photos as if our lives are perfect and look good on social media. We can go on group outings, keep up with “The Jones”, and attend church for social reasons instead of possibly allowing ourselves to have our hearts convicted by God. “Went to church” “led a small group” “tithed” – check the boxes and convince yourself that following some misunderstood scriptures turned into religious rules makes you a good person. Relationships of all types can be used to refine our bad qualities when they are genuine. Marriage is the ultimate refining ground where you and your spouse will see the good, bad, and ugliest parts of each other. If you’re not willing to be called out on your bad qualities and willing to love someone enough to calmly call out theirs (remember, with dignity), Godly marriages won’t survive.

The world loves to tell women that if we are not equal to men, that we are missing something like strength, power, or knowledge. Worldly messages bombard us telling us not to be dependent on a man. Why? Because a man might let you down and hurt you. However, it does not talk about all the ways we also hurt men. We hurt them when we treat them like our kids and when we expect them to be perfect. We hurt them when we try to take his lead position in the home and when we brush off the things he says we need to change. We even hurt men when we act like, or worse tell them, we don’t need them. God says we were never meant to be equal, we were created because men need our help, even when they don’t believe it themselves. We were created after Adam had prepared the world and done his work, because we need men too. When the Garden of Eden and the perfection inside of it was in danger of being destroyed, who did Satan go after? Not Adam directly, instead he went for Adam’s soft spot, Eve. He knew that if he could convince Eve that she was missing out on something bigger, brighter, more important, and more powerful that she would comply. It was that moment when it became Adam’s job to guide Eve and protect her from those schemes but instead he went along with it. Maybe she sent the message that he was not the boss of her. Both of them failed each other. Eve did not seek out guidance or wisdom from her husband or from God. As well, Adam did not stand in his authority over his household and put a stop to what he knew was wrong by saying “no”. That scenario continues to play out over and over again for both men and women. We must all learn from our Bible how to do better.

You may have read all of this with a hardened heart and feel anger, offense, and possibly disgust that I would write this claiming God told me to do it. Sweet sister, my intention was never to hurt anyone, but I wonder if you have listened to the “girl power”/”girl boss” message of the world and held it closer to your heart than the scriptures that say something different. The world’s message makes you and me feel great but does that make it truth? Or does it justify un-Godly attitudes and encourage worldly actions? I believe the world’s message props up that God’s word is in the wrong and our easily manipulated feelings and those worldly beliefs are correct. I will gladly admit that I am a human being and very capable of being wrong. But that should not mean that you dismiss this message. Remember, I was less than thrilled about being the bearer of this message and it applies to me too. Instead you should go read and study the Bible for yourself. Pray and ask for clarity and guidance for me and you. Please.